A letter to my new Mama friend

Photo by Bizzari

How are you? No, really. How are you?

Are you overwhelmed? Overjoyed? Scared? Anxious?

If you're anything like I was, you're probably every imaginable emotion all at once — and absolutely exhausted and in pain. I promise Mama, you are stronger than you know. These first few weeks are long, and yet they fly by. Before you know it, you'll be posting your one month photo. Or not, because you're half sleeping and all of your attention is now devoted to this precious lil' being who has turned your world right side up. If you forget, it's ok. They will still be one month old, and then two months, and then six before you know it.

Be kind to yourself. It's all too easy to turn on ourselves as we fumble through all of the newness of becoming a Mama. Be patient with yourself as you explore all... of... the... things. There's a secret no one tells you about baby paraphernalia. They escape from where they're supposed to be stored and hide themselves in all of the places you'll never find them. It's not you, it's them. You're not crazy.

Your kitchen may be lost amongst a sea of takeout containers, bottles, nipples, formula, or breast pump parts. One day, you'll cook again. You may even eat a hot meal or wash the dishes before they spill over onto every counter surface. Remember, in this time when guilt starts seeping into your weary bones... You are still enough.

Lock yourself away for a few silent moments a day. Do something for yourself. Maybe that's reading or sleeping. Maybe it's showering or listening to some music as you let the tension slip away. Maybe you really do just want to do the dishes. Or, read that blog about how many days a baby can go without pooping. Whatever it is, let it be something that will restore you.

Ask for help. It's too easy to give into the pressure that you can do it all. While you are more than capable, invite others to come alongside you whether that's your spouse, relative, neighbor, or friend. I'll tell you a secret. Whether they are 5, 13, or 72, the world waits to help a new Mama in need. They want to hold the door, unload the stroller, roll your suitcase. Say yes. At the moment your baby entered this world, you became a hero. Let those that want to help be your hero in this season.

Listen to your instincts. You will be flooded with well-intentioned advice from friends, your mom, super dads, the checkout clerk, me. This may feel helpful, or it may feel overwhelming or shaming. You, my sweet friend, are now a Mama, which means you get to decide exactly what your little one needs. You know the smell of their breath, the feel of their skin, the sound of their cries, the rhythm of their sleep, the dimples in their hands, the birthmark behind their knee, the hairs on the ridge of their ears. You know them better than any other person in your life. Be humble and learn what you can, but be confident that you know exactly what she needs.

I leave you with this: you have everything your baby desires. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, filled with sacrificial love and empathy. Even at your worst — hair a mess, teeth unbrushed, patience tested — your babe sees your beauty. We see your beauty too.

You are not alone.