My sweet boy... As I sit here in bed rocking you in the wee hours of the morning, sun just starting to rise... I feel tired. This was another restless night. My eyes are heavy with sleep. I am tempted to lay you back down just to steal a few more moments of sleep before our day begins. But then, I look over at your face, still covered by the shadows of the night, and know that you are rested and your face is filled with so much peace. Your spirit is still. These are my most favorite moments with you. When I know you have no worries, no anxieties, no discomforts, no fears.
You are three months... My arm is aching as I hold you and I am reminded how fast these days are moving... How fast you are growing... And it buys me another minute of holding you because one day, you will be too big, or you will no longer want me to hold you this way and my heart will ache if I knew I gave up the chance while I could.
I love your golden hour in the morning where you laugh and play and belt out all the sounds you have discovered. I love when you're sleeping on my shoulder with your lips puckered and when I kiss them, you smile in your sleep. I love when I go into your room to put you back down for your nap, and you flash the biggest grin and sucker me into letting you end your nap early. I love that when you are restless in the night, I hold you in my arms and you immediately find rest. I love watching your eyes as you play, darting from one new discovery to the next. I love watching the pride you feel when you learn something new. Your first giggles filled me with laughter.
Soon we will move into a new season where I will try to go back to a life before you, working away in meetings and calls and emails. But the reality is, that that life doesn't exist anymore. It feels so distant and now my world is you. There is no longer such a thing as a world without you... and while I sit at my desk, my thoughts and my heart will still be with you... Wondering what moments I'm missing and what things you're discovering. Will they notice the smallest of achievements? A new sound you make, a new expression... Will they know what you need when you cry? Will they love you the way you need to be loved? Will I miss the first time you roll over, the first time you crawl, your first word? I already miss you. I know it will all be ok... But I will miss you.
You are our greatest joy son... We love you and cherish each day watching you grow!
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